Chapter 6 stories SMeyer thinks are scary, but fail to be
1) That wouldn't surprise me, seeing as how I saw Edward pick up a van
2) If you weren't such a stick in the mud, you'd actually find your fainting incident funny by now too
3) Fuck you, Jessica's not gossiping about you, if anything, maybe Lauren is, but if she is, it's to disenchant the people who are under your spell
4) Admit it, you only hope he would be there because you need your Edward fix, he's like crack
5) unpleasant and nasally only because she admits what you won't say yourself
6) territorial, like you're a property, a thing. Fits in with your objectifying earlier
7) Wrong place in the sky. What. The. Fuck.
8) Oh my, a girl in gym class doesn't like me either because I'm a klutz, O woe is me!
9) Because we know it's all about getting into Edward's pants
10) chagrin you must hides eet!
11) Teepee shaped because you're about to introduce Native Americans, so you have to have some sort of stereotype to put your little digs into their "savage" culture.
12) because heaven forbid you actually stay with the girls and try to make a friend of Lauren, but then, you hate her because she's blond and sees right through you
13) Of course, because your dreaming mind can't leave him alone, let alone your waking one
14) -insert stereotypical damsel in distress in a forest spraining an ankle comment here-
15) 'Oh look the local savages have come to scalp us!' seriously, this type of comment and the stereotypical broken english seem to be the only stereotypes she left out. I'm actually glad for that.
16) Because every guy wants to get in your pants at first sight
17) Oooh another Jessica, let's be a bitch to her too and tell her how common her name is
18) First meeting of Jacob guys
19) Oh do tell us! Is it Edward related? It is, isn't it?
20) Oh yes, because Jake calls you Isabella, it's immediately a sign to hate him
21) You're supposed to be over the tantrum throwing stage by the time you're seven, of course, with the way kids are treated by most parents these days, I'm not surprised you got away with that
22) Ah, how nice, they're actually having a good conversation, an actual conversation, not a nonversation like she does with Edward
23) yes, you imagined an insolent tone
24) Fuck you and your comparing people to animals Lauren never did anything to deserve your hate
25) Oooh the Cullens don't come here, I'm trying to be ominous and mysteriously spooky, but my author doesn't know what spooky is
26) Oh dear god, the flirting! No offense to Jake or any guy that is under Bella's spell, but come on! Are you really that desperate that you're blinded by her fake flirting?
27) Fuck. Batting your fucking eyelids might have worked in the fucking early 1900's
28) youngsters, like you're so much older than your classmates
29) you are a ham, it wouldn't be too hard to lay it on too thick for you
30) here we go with the fake scary stories
31) not many Native Americans believed in bible y'know, so bogus history is bogus
32) Fucking "cold ones", Native Americans would have the decency to say it out, not use childish nicknames, these days anyway, you talk back 1700's-1800's then maybe you'd get this nonsense, but even then, not likely
33) Pale faces? Well, Meyer got that stereotype right. For the record, Natives call the European Americans White people or whites, like many Americans do themselves
34) They're the same ones! dun Dun DUN! -insert facepalming here-
35) so that's it, it's spoiled. Jake said they were vampires
36) No, you're just inept, don't blame it on your lame flirting, and Jake, that was hardly scary, but of course, you can't be blamed, it's your damn author that don't know scary
Chapter 7 stupidly done foreshadowing
1) Emoing out to some kind of music
2) Why the fuck are you all telling me to run?! That's what I would so be like
3) Jacob turns into a wolf before her very eyes... in a dream
4) Boy, what a stupid nightmare, it's almost as laughable as my nightmare about the bears chasing my family and me to kill us because I heard them talking like humans, I was scared at the time, but God that stuff is stupid to look back on
5) If the blood was flowing away from your head, wouldn't you die?
6) I admit, dial up sucks, but your computer should have a frigging popup blocker
7) fake vampire myths are faked
8) Like there isn't fucking "good" vampires, moral vampires? There's tons of stories out there like that if you know where to fucking look
9) Fuck you're stupid, there are factors like that everywhere. Seras Fucking Victoria has color changing eyes you dolt
10) taking a walk through the forest, to act stupid and clear stupid brain as if that'll take much
11) you're a green parasite Queen Bella
12) Piercing silence, just how I prefer it/sarcasm
13) You think it's silly that the Cullens could be vampires, but you're just willing to accept it as fact at this point
14) Being committed would fucking help you though
15) yes, that would be sensible, unfortunately, we know you can never be that when you need to be, so option 2 is for you
16) Oh god. What a horrible way to introduce what the title of the book is supposed to mean
17) THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO SELF PRESERVATION AT ALL!
18) Err... your blood being electric in your veins is a sign of a possibly worse condition and you should really see someone for that.
19) Can't get Alex Day's reading of cheerily eating breakfast out of my mind. Can't stop laughing XD
20) slow social life THAT YOU MADE FOR YOURSELF IDIOT!
21) That is bad, especially since you being cheerful at Mike will only be more heartache for him later when you twist the blade in his back
22) aren't there any guys in this series that have respect for personal space?!
23) Oh yeah, no reason at all to sound smug, not after you "showed off a little" in science class
24) and here's where she twists the blade
25) oh yeah as if you could beat anyone to death, Bella, you fucking hurt yourself punching Jacob in another book
26) yes, your everything revolves around the Cullens, so of course, you wanted to see them
27) They aren't there because it's sunny you dolt
28) Again, because anything human is uninteresting to listen to, they have nothing surprising or exciting to say at. ALL.
29) Shut the fuck up, it's not the end of the world because the Cullens are skipping
30) because God the fuck forbid you be happy without the Cullens
31) Bitch, you should email her more often, she's beginning to worry you'll get yourself killed, as well she should considering the monster you have your sights on
32) Oh boy, here we go with the reading not going well enough because the characters are all similarly named
33) fell asleep and didn't know it. How many times does this girl not realize things in this series? Wait. Don't answer that
34) being a good little house wife to her dad now
35) fuck you! Men understand clothing choices and criticism just fine. Unlike you and criticism SMeyer
36) And I don't know how you survive without a brain, but I guess no one can figure it out
37) Again. BECAUSE. HEAVEN FORBID. YOU ACTUALLY BE HAPPY!
38) STOP FUCKING OBSESSING OVER THE CULLENS!!
39) Because Lauren is an asshole for no adequately explored reason
40) because Charlie couldn't possibly live without you
41) Yay! Next chapter almost gang rape!
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